One Way to Exile  

I’m on a plane
$144
One way to Vegas

I feel like I’m moving
So I look out over the wing
But the plane is still
I am still
Then we are rolling
Then we are speeding along the runway
And I’m thinking
That it never takes as long as I expect it will
Until we nose up
Propel up
I hold onto that thought
Convincing myself
It never takes as long as I think it should
Never takes as long
Never takes so long
And then we nose up
Propel up

I get free feeling
Like I did in my dreams
Before I flew awake

Heart in my head
Feet in my chest

I rise up rise up

My clit is in my stomach
My stomachs on my tong
And I’m only starting to get that good taste
When the plane levels out

I’m overwhelmed by the blaring light of the TV. on the seat in front of me
I can’t figure out how to turn the damn thing off
I’m looking for a labeled button

As the lights of Edmonton are muted by mossy clouds
And then are gone
I still can’t turn the screen off

The captain is promising a smooth ride
While the tiny airplane on the green screen is tracing the dot to dot of my trajectory away

I close my eyes
But the light burns through
I want the button, the fucking off button
I give in and ask the pretty girl with clear blue eyes and the white white teeth
To show me where the button is
She says
“Oh, honey, all you have to do is adjust the level on the Brightness button all the way down to low”
I mumble a thanks
Burry my head in a book
Hope for turbulence
And wish I’d asked for an aisle seat
So I wouldn’t see the lights of Las Vegas mock me with a grand promise of freedom

In the airport lounge I’m sadder than the group of 21 year old boys in black suits and fedoras
Who’ve lost their weekend luggage

Because for me
There has always been more than one way into exile
But never more than a dimly lit path out

 

© 2007 Corine Demas