two solitudes  

1.

is there someone else, she said
I wish, I thought, and thought about the hot springs in Nakusp, BC
what do you want to do, she said
I don't know
I love you, she said

why do you put up with this, I thought
I know how this conversation will end
of course we'll get together again
and sooner or later, some new crisis
will make us replay this whole scene

I'm not even sure I know what love is, I said
I think you know, she said, smiling and squeezing my hand
I don't think we're in this for the same reasons, I thought,
and looked at her breasts under that green sweater

but she was trying to end the conversation
to return things to her version of normal

2.

for the warmth, we said,
lying so close together
and it was cold, that part was true
so much rain and wind I could barely start a fire

but when she put her arm around me
and I found her hand
the smallest, the smoothest skin I had ever felt
I never even thought of the cold

I thought: I have a girlfriend
and she isn't here

I thought: being here, doing this:
not sleeping the night away
in this rickety woodshed
beside the hot spring
outside of Nakusp
in the pouring rain
the breathing, the smell
of this girl
her hand

I thought: at this moment,
this is the only thing keeping me sane

© 2006 Kelly Shepherd