because it's not supposed to end this way  

I want it to hurt
I want it to burn
I want to burn
I want to blister, to inhale and smell my own sulfur
I want to joke and laugh and spit and vomit and read and write and trace the footprints of cats in concrete with            my fingers

I want to walk and climb, run and hide, stand and fight, lie down and go to sleep
I want to speak, I want to yell, I want to roar like a grizzly whose remains are not treated with respect
I want to twist the cars into new shapes, crush their colors under my feet, ignite their fossil fuels with my eyes
I want to shout down the mountains, reverse the flow of rivers, snap the trees like they were twigs, rage until I become a machine
I want to tear down the skyscrapers, pull the highways up from their foundations, sob and weep and wail until I turn into a songbird

I want to whisper the words that'll make the stars stop what they're doing and listen

I want to sing and dance and work and play and sweat and bleed
I want to sink my teeth into that hot pulsing vein we call night
I want to breath and gasp and choke and swim and sink and fly and fall and dig and claw my way to the surface           again

I want it to hurt
I want to squirm and twist and kick and scream

but still love

even when they're driving in the nails

© 2008 Kelly Shepherd